The Blue Streak...the update

On Friday, after I had given myself a day to cool down and not be as upset, I went to the school. I had rehearsed in my mind what I wanted to say. I really wanted the counselor to understand why I was upset but I wanted to stay calm. I even said a little prayer before I went in so that I could express my feelings clearly without being mean or angry.

Thankfully, the counselor was standing in the office when I arrived. I asked her if I could have a word with her and she said "sure" and we proceeded to walk down the hall to her office. Once inside, I told her I wanted to speak with her about the conversation she had had with Addy on Wednesday. She acted unsure and I reminder her it was about the blue streak in Addy's hair. She immediately told me they strongly discourage students from dyeing their hair but they don't send them home. I told her even if that was the case (but I knew it was not) that I just wasn't happy with the way she dealt with it. I told her we would be happy to comply with whatever the rule was but I would have liked her to talk to Addy about it in a different way. She immediately got very defensive. I told her specifically the things that Addy had told me she had said. She said she didn't remember if that was exactly correct. I just said that she is fragile and those kind of comments can be damaging. She asked me why Addy was so fragile and I reminded her that most 10 year old girls are still trying to figure out exactly who they are and that negative comments, especially from an adult in her position, can really affect them. She then asked me how I would have handled it and what I would have wanted her to do differently. I told her and, once again, she got very defensive. She said she felt like I was attacking her and that she felt maybe the principal should be involved in our conversation. I told her I was more than happy to speak with the principal as well. I really think I was staying very calm and trying my hardest not to make it a personal attack in any way.

We then walked down the hallway to the principal's office. She was in a meeting but the assistant principal, who was also in the meeting, saw us through the window and came out to see if she could be of assistance. I felt good about that because she was already aware of the situation from our previous conversation but I hadn't told her who it was. We went into her office and sat down and began talking. The counselor was getting very flustered and actually started crying. We then went over everything we had previously talked about in the counselor's office. The assistant principal actually clarified that their policy currently doesn't discourage any hair coloring. She said maybe it's something they need to address in the future to make sure everyone is clear on the subject. The counselor once again said she felt like she was being attacked and I mentioned that maybe that was somewhat how Addy had felt. I told her I was sorry if she felt that I was attacking her and that was not my intention. I just wanted to explain why I was upset about the comments she made. I also mentioned that one of the reasons I was upset was not just the comments that were made but who they came from. That I had hoped she would be someone Addy would feel comfortable coming to if she had a problem at school and that would no longer be the case. I told her I felt it was important to come in and talk to her about it. She said she was sorry and she didn't know what else she could do to make it up to me. At this point, she seemed pretty frazzled and I didn't want to press it further and tell her I thought she should personally apologize to Addy.

To complicate matters, I had Claire and Luke with me at the time and Claire had lost a shoe somewhere along the way and was screaming "SHOE!! SHOE!! SHOE!!" the whole time we were in the assistant principal's office. It was great as I'm sure you can imagine. When we were done, the a.p. thanked me for coming in and I excused myself to leave and find the crazy baby her shoe. Thinking that maybe the shoe had fallen off before we even went left the car, I went outside to check. Once I found it wasn't there, we returned back inside the school to recover it. The counselor was in the hallway again by this time and she approached me and apologized and explained that she had had a very difficult week. I gave her a big hug and said we harbored no ill feelings and that it was over. She said she didn't know if it would be better for her to apologize or have me tell Addy she was really sorry. I left it up to her. We found the shoe (in her office) and we said goodbye.

Overall, I am very glad that I went in and talked with her. I really don't think she meant the comments to be hurtful but that she comes from a generation that looks down upon that kind of thing. I know that none of us are perfect and we have all made unfair judgements of others. I feel good just knowing that I stood up for Addy and didn't just let it go. That's what we try to do most of the time but I felt this time was different.

When Addy got home that afternoon, I told her that I had spoken with the counselor and that she had apologized. I told her that I was pretty sure she felt bad about it (and I wouldn't be surprised if she does apologize to Addy in person). As always, a lesson learned for everyone. We all need to be less judgmental of others. Thanks for all the comments and support.