(Addy with her blue streak this past fall)
Yesterday was the first time she went to her new school with her little blue streak. She had asked me to color it the day before. She came home from school very upset. She said her friends liked it a lot and complimented her on it. But she said the school counselor, of all people, made her feel really bad about it. As she told me what had happened, I could tell she was trying desperately to hold back her tears. The counselor came up to her and said "What did you do to your hair? Did you use Jell-o? Did you fall in Jell-o? Where was your mom when you did this? I'm not sure you're supposed to have that for school". She then ended the conversation by telling her "I thought you were a martian!"
Needless to say, my claws came out. As a mother, it's always really tough when someone does or says something that upsets your child and makes them feel poorly about themselves. I understand that not everyone likes it. That's fine. Not everyone has to. We all know kids can be less-than-nice to each other sometimes. But I was really disappointed that an adult at the school, and especially the counselor, whose job it is to help kids feel good about themselves and resolve problems, would talk to her in that way. It made Addy feel as if she had done something wrong, instead of just expressing herself in a very harmless way. I called around after school to double-check if there was ANYTHING in the school handbook against it. I was able to get in touch with the assistant principal, who happens to be the mother of one of Addy's good friends. I explained the situation without giving her any names. She said the only reason there would be a problem with it is if it was a distraction to other students and caused a problem. She understood my concerns and actually said she would love to have a word with the faculty member that spoke with Addy. I told her I would prefer to talk with the person personally first and try to resolve my concerns.
So, what do you think? Am I crazy or was this lady out of line? Would you only speak with the counselor about it or would you let the assistant principal know who it was? I plan on heading to the school today...
11 comments:
My kids are all younger so I don't know how valid this is but I think that girls, especially tweens, have a fragile self-image and that name-calling - especially by an adult - is wrong. She was out of line. Even if it was against the school rules (sounds like it isn't), she could have pointed that out in a way that wasn't so personal. BTW, my son's friend in kindergarten has some pink metallic streaks and they don't seem to be a distraction. We are in CA though ;)
Go stick up for her!! It will mean so much to Addy to know you have her back and it can help reassure her that she hasn't done anything wrong, and its good for kids to see that sometimes adults can make mistakes too. We were having this kind of struggle with Nathan and a leader at church and you know me, I don't say boo to a fly, but the ongoing problem had to be addressed. I could tell his confidence and individuality was being rattled (already a problem for him). It was more that this leader was bullying him and trying to force his personal opinions on someone else, and because he was an adult, Nathan didn't feel like he could stand up for himself, even after I told him how to handle the problem. It took me finally talking to this guy to get it resolved and it was awkward for awhile, but it helped Nathan realize he could come to me with issues which to me was far more important than feeling weird around a guy at church. Ultimately I am his mom and other people can have their opinions on what I allow my kids to do/wear, but those opinions should be kept to themselves, especially in a harmless situation like Addy's. I am pretty disappointed that the councelor used her position of authority to bully Addy - that could be so emotionally damaging. I'm so sorry that happened, and I hope things work out in the end.
I would talk to the counselor first before brining in the AP. She might have thought she and Addy have a fun, joking relationship or something and didn't intend for Addy to take it the way she did. I'm not saying she should have said that stuff, but I would talk with her first to see whether she meant to demean Addy because of the blue streak or whether she just spoke without thinking.
Good luck. I hate confrontation, but I think you're smart to chat with the counselor here.
You're doing the right thing talking to the counselor. She should know better even if she disagrees with Addy's choice. Good luck. AND We'll need to know how it went.
I would go to the counselor first. Just let him/her know that the comments really hurt Addy. If they don't think it's that big of a deal then go to the Ass. Principal. The counselors are not perfect, however, they should know how to respond and what to say to the kids. I've learned with Lily not to let her see how much stuff bothers me. I think sometimes it's more upsetting to us as moms because someone hurt our little babies. I think you are doing the right thing by not making too big of a deal, but making sure it doesn't happen to someone else. Let us know how it goes.
When I read the exchange I kind of picked up on how she was trying to make a joke; but if the intention was to embarass, then there is a problem. I think you should expect blue hair to get noticed, and maybe not always positively like she was used to. Perhaps that is a good lesson- be who you are, express yourself, and don't worry if not everyone is thrilled about your creativity. But be who you are. This carries over to bigger things like standing up for your values when others might make fun of you. Your job as mom is to reaffirm your child's worth, and let the couselor know feelings were hurt and make sure she wasn't trying to be malicious.
Stick it to her!!!
Good luck!
I just read the post, so you've probably all ready talked to her... but ooohhh, that makes me angry! Not to our sweet little Addy. I hope you let her have it!
Where did this counselor get her degree? Out of a box of Crackerjacks or from the back of a Rolling Stones magazine? Who talks to kids like that? I would definitely have a few words with that woman. Hope it went well if you already did.
I'm sure everything is resolved by now, but I agree with Rachel. You're such a good mom Christy!
Also, I used to dye my hair a lot. Purple even. Long story. People at my work said I had an identity problem. Not so, I just thought it was fun to change things up. Addy is such a sweetheart, give her my love :)
I think we should be careful in making an assumption that the counselor meant to hurt Addy. Generally people who go into working with kids like them and want to help them. Obviously what she said was inappropriate and you are right to want to bring that to her attention. But I know that when I was teaching there were times I went home and kicked myself for the way I handled something. This lady might already be feeling bad about what she did. Go talk to her by all means, but just something to think about I guess. She sounds pretty young and inexperienced at her job.
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